Week 15: Rearranged, Bruised, and Rooted
Lord,
A still photo from a video I was recording.
This week really took some notes from last week.
Lowkey? I think it was giving Lot’s wife—looking back instead of forward.
Seriously.
Work is still work. But before I move along, I want to say thank You.
Thank You for provision.
Thank You for reminding me that even the places that challenge me can still serve purpose.
But Lord, I’m tired.
It’s becoming too much.
I know I can do all things through Christ—but I’m being stretched. You saw it.
The way I left work early because I felt overstimulated, under-appreciated, and worn thin. People asking for more and more—more than my role calls for, more than my soul can hold—and still expecting a smile and a “yes.”
And the lies? Spread like high school rumors across both clinics, being treated like truth. It’s too much.
I’m an adult. And I don’t mean by age—I mean by maturity.
The kind that chooses peace when chaos tries to pull you in.
I was raised to address things directly. If you have something to say, say it to me.
But I’m also learning to grow past the urge to confront just to prove a point.
Thursday.
Everything rose to the surface. I wanted to scream. Walk out. Tell them how unqualified they are to manage people.
How they don’t pay me enough to be getting hit and bruised—not just by clients, but by the weight of mismanagement.
But I didn’t lash out.
Instead, I found myself in the bathroom… weeping.
Not crying—weeping.
And I realized… this is the work.
This is what it looks like to walk with Christ.
Not the easy days. Not when everything’s flowing.
But when your flesh wants to go off, and your spirit says no.
I prayed silently before I even left the room.
I called my mom. I tried to call him, too—he didn’t answer in that moment, but he texted when he woke up.
My dad reminded me: “Don’t walk off a job.”
So I didn’t.
I cleaned my face. I walked out.
I asked to speak with my new supervisor.
And I told her the truth—not the performative version.
The real version.
Respectfully, I said: I’m overwhelmed. I need to go home. I need to breathe.
She asked if I was anxious. But no—it wasn’t anxiety.
It was grief.
It was spiritual friction.
It was my flesh and my spirit in conversation.
And this time—my spirit was louder.
I told her I’m going through something spiritually.
That God doesn’t call me to perfection.
So why are they expecting it from me—an unrealistic checklist in an 8-hour day?
I reminded her that outside of this job, I have a calling.
A calling that matters more than a title. More than a schedule.
Because people forget that.
They forget we are more than the roles we’re handed.
I’m a child of God.
That’s the only title I cling to.
And the more I stay in the Word, the more I find comfort.
Not surface joy. But rest.
Every week, I’m learning.
I’ve always said I’m a student of life—but now?
I know I’m a student of Christ.
This week taught me grace.
It showed me how much I’ve grown.
Because the old me?
Would’ve quit.
Would’ve gone off.
Wouldn’t have cared.
But now—I hold space for peace.
Even when I’m tempted to scream.
After that day, I spent time with my nephew to decompress.
He always wants to play with me. I’m always tired.
And I feel guilty for that.
But I’m realizing something:
This life I’m living right now?
It’s a preview. A foreshadowing.
I’ve always said I don’t want to be the mom who’s too tired from work to love on her children. And now, in the blooming of the thoughts of having a husband one day. I don’t want to be too tired for him either.
And this season?
It’s showing me how close that reality could be… if I don’t realign.
I need to pour my energy into the home I pray for.
Into the preparation—not just into the people I work for.
There’s a season for everything.
Some things will require more of you.
Some things will ask you to let go.
I understand that now.
Friday came.
I returned to work. Still choosing obedience.
And in the middle of all that? I got bit.
Bit. By a client.
And I couldn’t react—not physically, not emotionally.
That’s part of being an RBT. But honestly, it’s also part of being a follower of Christ.
Just because I walk with God doesn’t mean I’m immune to pain.
It still hurt. The bite was real. The moment was real.
But God is showing me something deeper:
Your response matters.
In my job, I can’t react how my flesh wants to—because the client will respond to my reaction.
And in life? It’s the same.
If I scream when I’m frustrated, lash out when I’m tired, or let offense lead me—others will respond to that.
And then it becomes more chaos. More damage. More pain.
So instead, I’m learning to lean on Christ.
Even when it hurts.
Even when I want to do the opposite.
This job—this season—is reflecting the very thing God is shaping in me:
Restraint. Discernment. Spiritual maturity.
Not reacting doesn’t mean I’m numb.
It means I’ve grown.
It means I trust Him more than I trust my impulse.
It means I’m rooted.
Still… I showed up. Still… I carried grace.
When I got home, I stuck to my plan.
I rearranged my room.
It was a mess before it became peaceful.
Storm before the calm.
I sat right in the middle of the chaos I spoke on last week—literally.
And now? My space feels different.
Spacious. Inviting.
Finished it today—Sunday.
I baked a Dulce de Leche cake.
Simple. But it brought me joy.
I studied the Bible too.
Still learning how to really study—not just read.
I pray God continues to prepare my heart for the weeks to come.
So yeah.
This week rearranged me.
It bruised me.
But I’m still rooted.
What I’m Learning
• Fruit of the Spirit isn’t a to-do list. It’s a full transformation.
• The restraint I showed was strength, not weakness.
• There’s power in not reacting.
What Faith is Showing Me
• That I’m not meant to carry this weight alone.
• That even my tears are worship when I surrender them to God.
• That the quiet, hard decisions matter more than loud, impulsive ones.
What I’m Working On:
• Studying scripture consistently, not just when overwhelmed.
• Letting go of the need to be validated at work.
• Creating the kind of life I don’t need a vacation from—simple, quiet, meaningful.
What I’m Listening To / Consuming
• Alex Warren – Ordinary
• Jordin Sparks + Maverick City – Constant
• Mike Teezy – Roll the Stone Away
• Just Glenn – Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself
• Emily Sandé – Ain’t Got Far to Go
A lot more Christian rap and music that feels like light.
What I’m Building
More boundaries—especially at work. Boundaries that honor my capacity and protect my peace.
A life that is built step by step, not all at once.
Continuance. Even when the same patterns show up, I’m responding differently.
A deeper prayer life. Not just talking to God, but hearing Him.
A voice that’s rooted, not reactive.
A spirit that endures without breaking—even when tested.
A future that makes space for motherhood, creativity, and peace.
And most importantly: a life centered on Christ, not career.
What Coming Up Next
Honestly, I don’t know, but whatever is in His will. I am open to.
I do have a new job interview and if it is in his will; it may be the path out.
I hope for more writing more releasing, more obedience.
A deeper routine in the Word.